2010
01.28

ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald’s I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken Mc Nuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
‘We don’t have half dozen nuggets,’ said the teenager at the counter.
‘You don’t?’ I replied.
‘We only have six, nine, or twelve,’ was the reply.
‘So I can’t order half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?’
‘That’s right.’
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but sadly true…)

TWO
I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those ‘dividers’ that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn’t get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the ‘divider’, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, ‘Do you know how much this is?’
I said to her ‘I’ve changed my mind; I don’t think I’ll buy that today.’
She said ‘O K ,’ and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened. 

THREE
A woman at  work was seen putting a credit card into her  floppy drive and pulling it out very  quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM ‘thingy’ 
(keep shuddering!!)

FOUR
I recently  saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her   car. ‘Do you need some help?’ I asked.
She replied, ‘I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can’t get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?’
‘Hmmm, I don’t know. Do you have an alarm, too?’ I asked.
‘No, just this remote thingy,’ she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.  As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, ‘Why don’t you drive over there and check about the batteries. It’s a long walk…..’ 
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself!!!

FIVE
Several years  ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, ‘I’m almost out of typing paper. What do I do?’ ‘Just use paper from the photo copier’, the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photo copier and proceeded to make five ‘blank’ copies. 
Brunette, by the way!!

SIX
A mother   calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if  she needs to take her kid to the emergency room,  the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, ‘I just gave him some ant killer……’
Dispatcher: ‘Rush him in to emergency!’

2010
01.28

how do you make a blonds eyes shine?

Shine a flash light in her ear

2010
01.28

One hand on wheel, One hand on horn: CHICAGO.

One hand on wheel, Middle finger out window: NEW YORK.

One hand on wheel, middle finger out window, Cutting across all lanes
of traffic: NEW JERSEY.

One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, Foot solidly on accelerator: BOSTON.

One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, gun in lap: LOS ANGELES.

Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: INDIANA…….but, driving in CALIFORNIA.

Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: ITALY.

One hand on 12oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, Banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: SEATTLE.

One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator, and both feet on brake, Throwing McDonald’s bag out the window: TEXAS.

Four-wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun ounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, Squirrel tails attached to antenna: OKLAHOMA.

Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate, in the left lane with the left blinker on: FLORIDA.

One hand on the wheel, the other on his sister: ARKANSAS (or WEST VIRGINIA).

2010
01.23

O_o

O_o wtf…. just WTF

http://failblog.org/2010/01/21/vampire-prevention-fail/

2010
01.22

1st off, sorry for the recent absence of jokes on this site, job hunting …..and gaming :D ….. take up alot of time you know ;)

anywho this one is for some of the fine people at the online A+ Course I am currently taking (ps Mr. Stewart you where the 3rd person to ask that haha)

  1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream
    “Oh my God! They’ve found me!” and bolt.
  2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and
    look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
  3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that
    you can’t get the damn thing to work. After he/she’s turned it on, wait 5
    minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
  4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you
    evilly.
  5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different
    screen than the one it’s set up with.
  6. Write a program that plays the “Smurfs” theme song and play it
    at the highest volume possible over & over again.
  7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something
    on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
  8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret
    Pentagon files.
  9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don’t know.
  10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
  11. Bring a chainsaw, but don’t use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say
    “Just in case…” mysteriously.
  12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at
    everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.
  13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they’re
    crazy while typing.
  14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.
  15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees.
    Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say “Oops, I forgot.”
  16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray
    “Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease,” and scream “YES!”
    when it finishes.
  17. “DISK FIGHT!!!”
  18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps
    if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).
  19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by
    hitting the keys with the straw.
  20. If you’re sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing “The Lion
    Sleeps Tonight” whenever there is processing time required.
  21. Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your
    monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly
    that women (men) are worthless.
  22. Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the 3 disc drive, when it
    doesn’t work, get the supervisor.
  23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the
    smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.
  24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two
    days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
  25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After doing this
    for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
  26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to
    grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person
    enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more
    effective to let them linger.
  27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut
    them and deposit them on your neighbor’s keyboard as you leave.
  28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your
    desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
  29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place
    them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them
    around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of
    cotton on plastic.
  30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like
    this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working
    conditions.
  31. Laugh hysterically, shout “You will all perish in flames!!!”
    and continue working.
  32. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
  33. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B
    key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, humits note loudly. Write
    an entire paper this way.
  34. Attempt to eat your computer’s mouse.
  35. Borrow someone else’s keyboard by reaching over, saying “Excuse me,
    mind if I borrow this for a sec?”, unplugging the keyboard &
    taking it.
  36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
  37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the
    old ways are best.
  38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
  39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you
    see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill
    isn’t affected). Then look at your neighbor’s keyboard. Hit his/her delete
    key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask:
    “Does *your* delete key work?” Shake your head, and resume
    hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you’ve
    deleted about a page of your neighbor’s document. Then, suddenly exclaim:
    “Well, whaddya know? I’ve been hitting the space bar this whole time.
    No wonder it wasn’t deleting! Ha!” Print out your document and leave.
  40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and
    complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some
    Elmer’s Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is
    drooling.)
  41. Stare at the person’s next to your’s screen, look really puzzled, burst
    out laughing, and say “You did that?” loudly. Keep laughing,
    grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
  42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate
    hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap
    back and yell “COVEEEEERRRRRR!” peek up from under the table,
    walk back to the computer and say. “Oh, good. It worked this
    time,” and calmly start to type again.
  43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
  44. See who’s online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them
    like you’ve known them all your lives. Hang up before they get a chance to
    figure out you’re a total stranger.
  45. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects.
    Pretend it’s the computer and look really lost.
  46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead
    doesn’t work.
  47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers
    in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily,
    exclaim “You’re such a marvel!!”, and kiss the screen. Repeat
    this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard.
    Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.
  48. Run into the computer lab, shout “Armageddon is here!!!!!”,
    then calmly sit down and begin to type.
  49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev
    that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say “Give me
    that computer or you’ll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next
    week”.
  50. Two words: Tesla Coil.
2010
01.14

A member of PC-Addicts did this video (yes it IS his!!)

it was then shown on the PC-Addicts UStream and man talk about a riot, just watch and laugh you know you want to!!

YouTube Preview Image
2010
01.12

mac FTEW

man I would hate to be this guy….

2010
01.09

http://www.naturalnews.com/027905_TSA_airport_security.html < just click and read…. then lawl

2010
01.06

Three women were in a bar talking about their husbands and how they made love.
The first woman said, “My husband is a psychologist, and before we make love, he brings me flowers and candy. I like that.”

The second woman proclaimed, “My husband is a mechanic, he makes love a little rough, but really tunes my engine; I like that!”

The third woman replied, “Well my husband works for Microsoft and all he does is sit on the edge of the bed and tell me how good it’s going to be, when I finally get it…”

2010
01.04

This domain expires on 02/18/2010 how ever, due to the fact I don’t have a job yet and I need my money, this domain might be offline after that date until I get a job, if this happens I will move the site to Http://seanchiarot.com/TJFU

Bad Behavior has blocked 23 access attempts in the last 7 days.